It's time to stop letting confidence hold you back
Hey you, do you wish you were a confident queen but struggle with how to truly lean into embracing that confidence?
This one is for you!
First of all.
I get it.
I know what it’s like to question everything, and to feel insecure, and to wonder if people like me…all of that fun stuff.
But, get this, I also know what it’s like to feel confident and comfortable in my own skin. I know what it’s like to understand that we’re all just trying out best and that our best is good enough.
Confidence isn’t a straight lines, it comes and goes in ebbs and flows. We could all use a little extra supported in the confidence department sometimes, and that’s totally okay!
I’ve let a lack of confidence hold me back from doing this I really wanted to do, and I regretted it. Now, I’m turning my back on insecurity and chasing after my dreams, and I want you to join me.
How is a lack of confidence holding you back?
One thing that has been incredibly helpful in finding confidence is recognizing all of the things that no confidence has held me back from.
Here’s something to try: grab a journal and a pen and write down five things that a lack of confidence has held you back from. Maybe it’s applying for a new job, going for coffee with a new friend, signing up for a retreat you’ve been eyeing, or it’s wearing that beautiful new dress you bought.
Once you’ve made a list, look at it.
How do those missed opportunities make you feel?
Now, take that same journal and write down five things that you’re thankful you did despite being nervous about them. Five things that made you feel like your best self just because you did them. Maybe it’s going to the movie alone, wearing the bikini to the pool, being interviewed for a job you were excited about, or it’s going on that first date with your now partner.
Okay, now you should have two lists (it’s okay if you just made mental lists) in front of you.
What are the differences between the two lists?
One is (likely) full of regrets, and one is (likely) full of things you’re proud of.
Recognizing that a lack of confidence is holding you back from adding more things to the list, you’re proud of can help you reframe your mindset around confidence.
Rather than just going, “oh yeah, I’m not the most confident person,” I hope that these lists make you go, “huh, having confidence has helped me accomplish things I’m proud of, and having a lack of confidence has held me back from things I wish I had done.”
When you see how your confidence is impacting your life, it can help you to recognize that you need to start to give yourself permission to do the things that scare you.
Okay, but how do I become confident?
Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
Confidence can take courage.
Sometimes it takes a moment of courage over a lack of confidence just to do the thing that you’re nervous about.
Great things come out of people who are willing to embrace courage and confidence despite the deep pit in their stomachs or the endless nervous thought train barreling through their minds.
Another great quote is,
“Confidence is hard to find because it is not something that exists on its own. It is something that has to be developed.”
When you start doing the things that scare you, you can start developing the confidence to do even scarier things.
And trust me, I get it. I understand that you’re reading this blog thinking, “Yeah, okay, Dara. Easier said than done.” You’re allowed to feel like that. But, I’m telling you. The smallest of steps will help you develop confidence and enable you to do all of the things that you want to do.
When opportunities arise, you’re allowed to give yourself permission to trust the timing and to trust that they’re going to be a good opportunity. I recognize how a lack of confidence can lead to skepticism, but don’t let your fear blind you from doing something you really want to do.
I find it incredibly helpful to intentionally ask yourself questions like, “What is holding me back from doing this thing? Am I creating excuses even though deep down I want to do this?” These questions have helped me embrace scary things with confidence and courage instead of turning my head and taking the easier route.
So, how do you become confident?
Photo of Arianna Valle by Lisa Hourin at the Bloom Retreat
Start with the small things.
There’s this story about the British Cycling team. They hired a new coach who had the goal of helping the team to improve. This cycling team was bad. So bad that they hadn’t won a medal since 1908. Bike stores didn’t want to sell them bikes because they were so bad. Then this coach, David Brailsford, was hired in 2003.
Brailsford had the team improve by 1% every day.
They focused on small things. Minor improvements.
But these compounded.
Every day the team got a little bit better.
By the 2008 Olympics, the team won 60% of the gold medals in cycling.
Remember, this team hadn’t won since 1908?!
It’s incredible, and it’s all because they worked at it a little bit every day.
You can do this!
If you work on doing something that scares you a little bit every day, before you know it, you’ll feel more and more confident in your ability. You’ll understand that you are capable of greatness. You have the ability to do the scary things—and even enjoy them.
Ask yourself: What’s scaring me? What’s something that I can do today that will help me be more confident tomorrow? How can I improve my confidence level by 1% today?
Maybe it’s saying something kind to a stranger or posting a photo that makes you a bit nervous, or maybe it’s something bigger like standing up for yourself in the workplace. It doesn’t matter what you start—it just matters that you start.
Here’s an opportunity:
Alright, so you want to do something that scares you a bit? But something that isn’t too risky and is a safe option?
The Rooted Retreat is exactly that. This is an opportunity for you to join a group of fellow women to relax, gain a deeper understanding of strategies that will help you navigate life, and connect with your center.
Oh, but what if…
What if the other women don’t like me?
What if I’m nervous about flying to Arizona on my own?
What if I’ve never made a trip without my partner and they always do the planning?
I get it. You’re going to have these what-if questions. But get this:
What if you go and it’s the best weekend you’ve had in a long time?
What if you finally get to rest and develop tools that help you be your best self?
What if you meet a group of incredible women who are in the same boat as you?
I urge you to consider how your insecurities may be preventing you from an incredible opportunity.
The Rooted Retreat is an opportunity for you to step out and bring balance to your life. Visit the link to learn more.
