If you’re only going to read one line in this blog, let it be this one: you’re allowed to be selfish.

That’s it.

That’s the blog.

Okay, well, not quite. That’s not the whole blog, but it is the theme of the whole blog.

You’re working too hard.

We are living in a hustle culture. 

We are constantly told to do more, be more, and give more of ourselves to the rest of the world.

But, I’m here to tell you that you’re allowed to be selfish.

You’re allowed to be selfish with your time, with your energy, and honestly, with whatever else you want.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not encouraging you to be unkind or disrespectful to those around you. I do encourage you to recognize how your selfishness may impact the people you love, but I also encourage you to be open to putting your own needs before others (especially your employers). 

Oops!

Did I just write that?

Yes! Of course I did! You’re allowed to be selfish, especially when it comes to your job.

You can just stay where you are. You can prioritize the things you like to do rather than your job.

How would your life change if you spent time pouring your energy into things that fill you up rather than your job? 

Let’s redefine selfishness.

Selfishness is defined as, “concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself.”

From that definition we often attribute these negative connotations that selfish people are bad, that they’re inconsiderate and unkind, and that they only ever think about themselves and never ever take other people into consideration.

But what if, selfishness was a good thing?

What if we restructured our thinking around selfishness? What if instead of it being this bad thing that we were constantly concerned about ourselves, it was a good thing?

I don’t know about you, but when I’m my best self, I’m my nicest self, my most generous self, my most giving self, and just the person that I like to be.

When am I my best self? When I prioritize my needs. 

It’s when I fill my time with doing the things I love.

It’s when I pour my energy into self-care.

It’s when I say “yes” to myself. 

So, how can you be a more selfish person?

I hope someone looks over your shoulder and only reads that subheading. It would be a great conversation starter!

But, how can you be more selfish?

Start by doing the bare minimum. Stop going above and beyond for anyone and everyone, and start just doing less.

One way to do this is to set low expectations. Just because you’re capable of doing more doesn’t mean people have to expect you to do more. (I love this article about Black women embracing mediocrity). 

Just become average,

“Embracing being an average employee takes conscious effort from within to tear down the old status-driven mindset and find your own real identity.”

You may be thinking, “Yeah okay Dara. Thanks for the great advice. I can’t just stop going above and beyond at my job. I’ve been going above and beyond for the last x years and now they expect it from me.”

Do you want to know my thoughts on that?

You have two choices:

1. Quit: This may seem scary, but if you’re headed down a path of burnout, you don’t have passion in your job, or you’re just looking to have an out. This is it. You can just quit. Get a new job. And be mediocre there. Your new employer won’t know that you’re a chronic overachiever, and they’ll be happy with you completing the job requirements as described rather than going above and beyond.

2. Stop going above and beyond: If you’re constantly doing more and more and more, then you’re going to keep overachieving. On your next project, just do what you’re required to do. Don’t go all out. Don’t go over and above. Just do your job. 

Just try it. 

Take one of these two choices and just see what happens. 

Oh, you’re more interested in learning how to skateboard? Who cares if you’re over 30?! Just make sure to wear a helmet and have fun with it!

Being selfish with your time can give you the capacity to do things that are life-giving. You’ll be happier. You’ll be healthier. You’ll love life more.

All of these things will make you a better person too!

It’s time we reframe selfishness. You’re allowed to be selfish.

Now, go be mediocre!